The Bestest Girl

My life as best as I know it… personal & professional

Hold On (To Me) July 21, 2011

Filed under: The Sweet n' Sours of The Heart — sephrahosein @ 13:02

Hold On (To Me) By The Bestest Girl

Hold on to me, don’t you let go
We can do this, trust me, I know
Pain was never meant to be everlasting
It’s raining down on you but just keep moving
Take my hand, lets run as fast as we can
To a place where we can stand
I will make you strong, brave and cold
Forget this gamble, it’s time to fold
You have my word, I’ll stand by you
I have never lied, to you, I’ve always been true
You are not alone so don’t be scared
Where’s that smile? Which heartache has never been feared?
So stay with me darling, hold on to me
Together we will find happiness, then we’ll be free

 

Angry June 2, 2011

Filed under: Dear Ella — sephrahosein @ 00:10

Dear Ella,

I am angry. I am angry with Richard but more so, I am angry with myself. I am angry for allowing Richard to treat me the way he did during the time we were together. And I am angry for him treating me that way. Things were not always bad, unfortunately though, the bad outweighs the good. He shouted a lot, like really shouted, spoke rough to me, cursed me, sometimes in public. He made me feel as if I was not important. I guess a major reason why I feel angry at myself is the fact that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I let it happen. Don’t get me wrong, I tried so many times to walk away from the neglect, the verbal abuse, the misery and every time I tried, he begged me to stay. And for some stupid reason, I always felt that I had to stay. That he needed me. And I stayed, believing his promises to change, to make things better for us. I used to think he needed me because he had such a hard life growing up. You all had it tough (and to think it continues for you). And I thought that that was the justification for his behaviour. But then again, you’re not like him. None of you are like him.

Sad to say but I think I know why a lot of people stay in abusive relationships. I think maybe it’s simply because they just don’t know their self worth. I know in order for me to get one step closer to being okay is that I have to forgive myself. And I suppose I’ve now started going through the process… I don’t know… Sometimes things like these are like reflective waves I guess… Progress turns into regress and the cycle continues. I guess only time will tell. Another reason for my anger is that I allowed myself to become like him. Without even realizing it, I slowly became like him. I started shouting back. I allowed myself to get upset. I quarreled. I became miserable. And even now I’m still dealing with these things. I don’t always quarrel now. Now, like I said, I only fight for what I believe deserves fighting for. I choose what to fight for. The problem that I’m still having is that I sometimes shout when I get mad. Funny enough I didn’t realize that I still shout. I thought it died when Richard left. I need to work on that because I was never a person to shout or to even become so enraged that I feel like I’m trapped in my own body.

I know that nothing I say or do now will ever change what happened in the past, what was said and done has already come to pass. But even though I know this I am still unable to stop being mad at myself. Why did I allow the hurt and pain to grow in me? Why do we allow ourselves to hurt? I guess maybe it once again all comes down to the choosing to be happy. Oh boy… here we go again…

 

Bumper to Bumper May 19, 2011

Filed under: Life — sephrahosein @ 19:01

I got stuck in a total of 3 hours of traffic today… Took a break from the traffic and stopped off at a mall in central… I really really really needed to pee!! Plus I was starving to death and was in desperate need of breakfast. So after my much appreciated break I was back on the road again, in traffic of course but I was not upset or mad. I was actually in a good mood. I got in the office at 10:00 am but it was a great morning…

Sometimes I forget that I am actually the only one who can control my emotions and that whatever affects me, be it positively or negatively, affects me because I allow it. Being happy is simple. It’s a choice. Sometimes I forget that I have the option; after all I am human, but I’m glad I chose to be happy regardless of the traffic this morning because it made a big difference in how my day went… If only I could remember these things all the time! Now I’m not saying it’s as easy as pie, I mean choosing to be happy is easy, anyone can say “I choose to be happy”, but actually making the effort to be happy, that’s hard, it sure does take a lot of yourself to be happy. So I guess that would explain the down days… Maybe on my down days I’m too tired to make the effort to be happy… Ha.. Epiphany! Then again, why does it take no effort at all to be grumpy, depressed, all the negatives, but it takes hard work to be happy? hmm, food for thought..

 

My Angel May 18, 2011

Filed under: The Sweet n' Sours of The Heart — sephrahosein @ 09:53

My Angel by The Bestest Girl

Little bright brown eyes peeping through

To a world unknown but I’m here for you

To touch your skin is like nothing before

Your sweet angel smile I’ll forever adore

Heaven is to hold you, to watch you sleep

It breaks my heart every time you weep

I will protect you from all that is hurtful

Don’t ever forget that you are beautiful

Terrified of the day you leave my side

Will you remember me with arms open wide?

My life, my world, it all belongs to you

If nothing else, to you I’ll always be true

Destroyed the day you were taken from my side

You must know that my arms were open wide

 

Insufferable May 16, 2011

Filed under: Life — sephrahosein @ 15:34

My eyes are burning… Either due to lack of sleep or the jackass who decided to cut gypsum right outside the office door… I’m tending towards the latter. While I have no major allergies, some fine particles, depending on its nature, causes me to break out in hives if I’m exposed to it. Gypsum is on the list. I told ASSHOLE Vinnie (the so-called maintenance man here) about it but he ignored me. Oh well, I guess I could do with a couple days off if I do indeed break out in hives. I have so much work to do and while I’m trying to stick to progressive elaboration, it’s somehow not getting any better. This job of mine has reached beyond the point of insufferable. My work load is ridiculously high. So I’m on a one man strike… Well more like work to rule. I’m gonna quit at 4 pm (the time I’m taking to blog here is time I worked through lunch so I’m taking it back!). Wow, that’s half an hour away… seems like forever.

I’m gonna attempt to bake bread this afternoon, under the guidance of my mom of course, considering I know nothing  about baking bread. Anyways, it’s supposed to be a relaxing thing.. I enjoy cooking. It’s almost like a hobbie of mine. One day, when I get out of this shit hole I’ll open my dream restaurant…  ahh…

 

My Addiction May 14, 2011

Filed under: The Sweet n' Sours of The Heart — sephrahosein @ 09:49

I am no expert writer nor great poet, just forming some words with my thoughts…


My Addiction by The Bestest Girl


I wanna take a ride on your endless high

Like a blazing star baby, I’m up in the sky

Your aura is like a rush to my brain

Don’t let this intoxication die in vain

It’s hard to breathe every time you’re near

My blood sizzles under your intense stare

You got me climbing walls sugar; skin on skin

How long will I hold this passion within?

I’m smiling down to the depths of my soul

Your unique sense of being has me on a roll

One in a million honey, dance with me

Share my euphoria, maybe its destiny

 

I am Who I am May 13, 2011

Filed under: Life — sephrahosein @ 00:27

Who am I? I am smart. I am funny in my own way, I have a sense of humour. I choose to laugh at certain things rather than get upset about it. I am generally a happy person. I prefer to be pleasant to other people. I do not judge others but rather try to understand them. We are all different and that’s what makes us all normal. What is “normal” anyway? If nobody’s normal then we’re all normal. I try to make everyone around me happy. I genuinely care for those who my spirit takes to.  How I treat people is very important to me regardless of how they treat me. It is in my blood to be nice to people. I believe in being humble and I am very big on manners and how I speak to other people. I am extremely empathetic and maybe this is why I try to be kind to others. I hate to see people sad or upset. I am not a saint. I am selfish at times. Although being good is a big part of who I am, I am sometimes bad. I stand up for myself when needed, I don’t fight all the battles that come my way. I just fight the ones that really matter. Some people see that as me being a pushover but I guess they don’t know me well enough to see that I am strong and I don’t allow people to use me. I take the time to get to know people. Not judging them or turning them away at first glance is why I take the time. Humans are such amazing creatures, you never know what they’ll pull out of themselves and it may be bad or even good. I am a nerd if being a nerd means finding pleasure in the simpler things in life or in a game of scrabble or simply expressing my awe at a rainbow. I am who I am and although most people try to change these things about me, try to make me “tough”, I know what I am about and I will not let petty things in life change who I am. We live in a harsh world, where is the love? If everyone cares only for their own selves, how then would we change the world? How would we make it a better place for us and our loved ones to live? God put us here to serve Him by serving man. I am grateful to Him that I see and understand this. And I wake up every morning thanking Him for His blessings and favors on me and most important of all, I thank Him for making me a blessing for someone.